I am no longer human. I will tell you why with the following two stories:
Story 1 – Yesterday, I tried to save a baby bat. Bartok (as I named him) was found in our garden yesterday morning. At first I thought Bartok was a toad, climbing out from in between pieces of mulch. As I looked closer, I couldn’t tell what he was so I walked over and had a peak. Hmm. What was that? O! It’s a baby bat. So I told Hubs to come over and have a looksy and it’s a baby bat. Well, I had never seen one before, and frankly didn’t know anything, so I thought this was normal baby-bat behavior. We took some pictures and watched him. Soon we realized though that Bartok was not doing well – he seemed to be struggling and it was really hot. So I ran inside to google what to do to help him. It took us about 5 seconds to decide that we needed to save him, which meant I needed to go get Pedialyte from the drug store. The first store I went to, didn’t even carry it, and as I was just about to check out at the second when Hubs called me to tell me that Bartok was unresponsive and was dead.
Then, I started to cry. I know animals die in nature all the time. I know that the greater quantity of young an animal (or plant or whatever) produces at any one time is reversely correlated to the actual survival rate of said offspring. But here is the exact thought that went through my head – that his little struggling lungs looked just like Lemonade’s when she was born and was breathing too fast. And at that moment, I knew I had to do everything I could. Almost everyone I talked to – except for Hubs and Seester – thought it was ridiculous to save a bat – after all, they carry disease and are rodents. Even the vegan, animal activist I know said she would have let it die – while I was looking up bat rescues on the internet.
Story 2 – I am a major sucker for “Father of the Bride” and “Father of the Bride 2”. When I was a kid, one of my biggest motivators in spending any significant time at my grandma’s house, outside of a holiday, was because she owned that movie, and because it was also one of her favorite’s, she wouldn’t let us borrow it. Part 2 though, I think is especially funny. Anyways, I remember watching both of them while I was pregnant and crying my eyes out – daddy’s little girl and all that. Well today I was watching Part 2 on TV. And at the end, Steve Martin’s character has to watch as both his daughter and his wife are in labor at the same time. He runs back and forth as his daughter goes through this without her husband (traveling for business of course) and as his wife goes through a delivery with many complications.
I started to cry (are you noticing a theme here?). And this time, I can’t tell you for sure why. Well, I’ll try. I didn’t have a difficult delivery with Lemonade, but I didn’t have an easy time getting to the delivery part. (Hubs thinks I have just plain forgotten this part, but I haven’t, it just isn’t the important part of the story.) I remember thinking about any and all of those decisions and if they would have to be made – C-section, the baby’s safety, my safety, and on and on and on.
And with two crying events in the last two days over really kind of silly things, one would draw the obvious conclusion – I’m pregnant. But I’m not.
I’m clearly just no longer human. I no longer function the way a normal human does. I can eat anytime I want, but never at meal time. I can sleep in an instant, but be roused by the smallest sound. I can cry, laugh, yell, melt – all in 5 minutes. I can function what seems like no sleep, and forget that I’m holding the cell phone that I’m looking for in my hand.
I’m no longer just a human. I am a mom. I have a lot of things I put before myself. And I like it that way.
I think about my own mom, Maj, and I remember her crocheting til 3 am to finish our Easter dresses, but never missing a beat. She coached cheerleading, taught, ran us all over the place, all while my dad was in school full time and did it on her own.
Moms are not human. They are super human.
I hope that I can live up to the super human status as I continue my journey.