To Find Out or Not To Find Out : The Gender Conundrum


We are the proud parents of a year old little girl, who for the purposes of the blog, I call Lemonade. (I’m already racking my brain for New Baby’s nickname…we’ll see on gender and actual name…but I digress…)

During our pregnancy, people always wanted to know what we were having. Soon, people that knew us just learned to give up. We don’t give away a lot of information – not name choices, not gender, not much of anything. It’s one of the last great surprises, I say. I also say from a practical stand point, that for baby one, waiting to find out is in your best interest. Then all gifts, car seats, strollers, jumpers, etc are all gender neutral and don’t have to be replaced for baby #2 or 3. I know this is a voice of reason that many people simply don’t want to hear but as a woman who wants to have lots of babies, I have to figure out the best way to utilize gifts to their full potential to save our budget.

Anyways, that’s my practical hat. I also agree with other arguments that say if you announce everything in advance, there’s nothing left to announce when the baby does arrive. Like hey, everything you already know, here it is. And add a cute face. Of course as I said before, it’s one of the last great surprises. There are so few things that are like the “good old days” anymore. This is one of the few things that be kept in its purest form.

Now I have of course, heard the arguments in the other direction. My personal favorite was this one:

“I had to find out. I had to be able to call the baby by name so I could pray for her. It was so important that I could pray for her by name.”

My response to this was simple:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

So I don’t need to know if my baby is a boy or a girl. God already knows. And more importantly no matter what we have on our baby name list, God already knows our baby’s name and we can only pray for discernment at what God has in mind for him or her.

Now, I am not hating on people who find out. I have a number of people in my life who are “planners” and “need” to know. That’s fine. For my practical side, I just don’t see it. I don’t see getting (especially all girl) stuff just for baby #1. But again, I’m not hating on other people. And I definitely don’t judge people who find out.

Let me tell you how hard it is to be in that 20 week ultrasound and know that they could just look and tell you like that and you’d just know. Just like that. And you don’t have to tell anyone. You could keep it a secret couldn’t you? Not likely…

Let me tell you something else that’s hard. You WANT to know. You have an intuition. And you want to know if you’re right. I knew last time it was a girl. But I thought I saw something with my untrained eye on the ultrasound and I then wasn’t sure. This time at first I thought boy and now I think girl, but Hubs thinks boy. (Hubs REALLY wants a boy, which I think has something to do with it). With our influx of ultrasounds, I WANT to know. Every time we’re in there I think “She could just tell us and it would be over”. I think of all the people who have already said to us this time “So you think you’ll wait to find out again?” and I say “Gosh I think we’ll wait” in my head what I really think is “Well, I don’t know that we’d tell you but we might find out.” I know it’s terrible.

Like I said, I know it’s the last great surprise. But having the ABILITY makes it SO hard to wait.

Let’s add in one more factor: this pregnancy isn’t going as swimmingly as my last pregnancy. I feel like if I just knew if New Baby was a boy or a girl, I could talk to him/her and encourage him/her…tell him/her I’m doing my best and to just keep growing.

I’m so torn about it. I especially get jumpy and emotional during the ultrasound. But then I get over it. I mean mostly.

At the end of the day, I think I would still like to not know. I of course, reserve the right to change my mind, but I know there’s no going back. I also am one of those people that thinks you have to MEET your baby before you name it. And last time, I was sure for 8 months that if we had a girl her name would be Annabelle and BAM! 3 weeks before my due date, I threw out another name option, and wouldn’t you know, it’s the name we went with.

So maybe I’m not a finder-outer. Maybe I’m not cut out for that. But this is the debate that happens when you’re pregnant. Every single day. At least it does for me.

For now I will take amazing comfort in knowing the God is in there knitting together my little one, speaking to him/her and encouraging him/her by name when I cannot. The Holy Spirit interprets the groaning of our hearts that we cannot express, even what we want to say to our unborn children.

I will take my comfort in that.



EDIT** As soon as I hit publish I thought “But isn’t it maybe practical to find out with your second? I mean I have a lot of gender neutral stuff but I also have a lot of girl stuff. If I need boy stuff wouldn’t it be EASIER and more PRACTICAL if I could start looking for clothes as SOON as garage sales start in the spring? I mean if we have another girl, they will be in exactly the same season and I literally don’t have to buy a thing. But if it’s a BOY, at about 9 mos size, I’m out of gender neutral and Lemonade hit that around 4 months old. I mean how will I manage!?!?” Just like last time. Lemonade lived through it and so will New Baby. Anyways, it’s not an easy decision. And like I said, it runs through my mind pretty much all the time.


One response »

  1. Pingback: 2012 In Review | Laughter and Rubies

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